oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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