I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm at about main and main street
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
