Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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