found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
