We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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