One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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