wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
