My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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