I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
