I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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