Having a random hookup so left but love u
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
