I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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