i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
