I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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