u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
