She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
