This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So much rum. So many feels.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
