his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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