So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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