Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
