He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize