the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
