Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize