oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
