Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
