So drunk its hurt
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
