nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
