the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
