I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
