Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
