One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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