y did u give ur computer a hand job?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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