I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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