Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
