You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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