That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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