I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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