I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
