You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
