Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
