loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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