just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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