I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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