alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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