i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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