I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
