This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
