We're like a lot better than the average bears
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
