every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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