you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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