words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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