She is in my trunk
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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