the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
