I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize