well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
