he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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