And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
