Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
