I smell stomach acid.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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