I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
