Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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