Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
