He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize