in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
