I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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