The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
FUCK WHALES
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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