I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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