ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
And then he peed in my hair
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