Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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