Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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