you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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