You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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