Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
