I heard we made out
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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