so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
