me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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